Episode 115

Learn how the art of Masterful Keynote Storytelling w/ Stacy Pederson

Stacy Pederson is an innovator. After failing in every conceivable way (including life itself-literally-) Stacy chose to reinvent herself. She is now a sought-after Keynote Motivational Speaker who gives audiences fun—yet practical actions on how to overcome stress, handle change, be more resilient, and live a life that matters.

Stacy is a trained comedian. Stacy Pederson holds a BFA in Theatre and has performed stage, film, commercial, standup comedy, and radio work.  She is the co-founder of The Academy of Children’s Theatre, (ACT) in Colorado Springs, as well as Ministry Center for the Arts, (MCA).

Stacy’s humor is witty, creative, clean, and professional,  She won first place out of all comedians in “Colorado’s Got Talent”.

Stacy Pederson Website

On this Episode Stacy discusses all in a humorous manner

1) A Hippie Upbringing

2) Husband's lack of support of her career choices and terminal diagnosis

3) Finding her roots again after a failed marriage

4) How stepping on a nail almost killed her and what you can learn to persevere

Listen to full episodes on your favorite podcast platform or by visiting: https://podcast.thebusinesssamurai.com

To work with John Barker and Barker Management Consulting ► https://barkerleadership.com

Follow John Barker at:

🐦Twitter ► https://twitter.com/johnbarker78

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The Business Samurai is created and produced by John Barker at Barker Management Consulting

Mentioned in this episode:

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Transcript

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[Unknown14]: welcome to the bus samurai podcast i'm your host john barker got a special guest

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[Unknown14]: today we've got stacey peterson stacy is an innovator after failing in every

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[Unknown14]: conceivable way including life itself literally stacey chose to reinvent herself

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[Unknown14]: she has now a saw sult after keynote motivational speaker who gives audiences fun

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[Unknown14]: yet practical actions on how to overcome stress handle change be more resilient

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[Unknown14]: and live a life that matters stacey is a trained comedian she holds a bachelor of

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[Unknown14]: fine arts and theatre and has perform stage film commercial stand up comedy and

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[Unknown14]: radio work she is the co founder of the academy of children's theater in colorado

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[Unknown14]: springs as well as ministry center for the arts stacey's humor is witty creative

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[Unknown14]: clean and professional she won first place out of all the comedians and colorado

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[Unknown14]: has got talent congratulations

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[Unknown13]: thank you

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[Unknown14]: welcome to the talented and funny stacey peterson stacey thanks for being here

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[Unknown13]: hi thanks so much for having me i appreciate it

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[Unknown14]: absolutely so just so everybody gets a sense of how you kind of got on the the

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[Unknown14]: path you're on if you don't mind can you go into your story regarding the you

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[Unknown14]: know the terminal diagnosis and how that kind of sets you on the path and journey

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[Unknown14]: that you're on now

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[Unknown13]: sure um i love talking about myself so get comfortable

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[Unknown14]: i'm gonna kick back and mute my mic then

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[Unknown13]: well i'll just share some of the things that people seem to think is interesting

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[Unknown14]: sure

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[Unknown13]: one is that a true story i was born in a one room cabin with no running water or

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[Unknown13]: electricity

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[Unknown14]: wow

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[Unknown13]: and i was potty trained in an out house because my parents were hippies

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[Unknown13]: so i grew up in the hippie lifestyle sort of um except somewhere along the way

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[Unknown13]: they became conservative republicans

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[Unknown13]: and so i was raised with organic food and loving everyone and at the same time

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[Unknown13]: being a conservative and i joke that that's why i'm confused and became a

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[Unknown13]: comedian so

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[Unknown13]: yeah so i had a very interesting upbring very very rural i am then um i had a

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[Unknown13]: really small school so the whole school from second to twelfth grade was a total

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[Unknown13]: of seventy two students

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[Unknown14]: well

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[Unknown13]: and had a really long breast ride to and from school and i would get bored and i

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[Unknown13]: would start making

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[Unknown14]: i

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[Unknown13]: a characters in the back of the bus and

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[Unknown13]: i never knew what uh acting really was at all had had any exposure to the arts it

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[Unknown13]: wasn't actually ti my junior year in high school i had an english teacher who

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[Unknown13]: asked me if i'd ever thought of acting and so she actually drove me two hours one

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[Unknown13]: way for an acting competition

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[Unknown13]: and i did it i did this little monologue the diary of anne frank

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[Unknown13]: and the one of the judges pulled me aside and she said hey how long have you been

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[Unknown13]: acting and i said to

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[Unknown13]: and so she told me about this program that she helped run where they took sixty

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[Unknown13]: students from around the world and they intern them with

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[Unknown13]: a very professional world renowned theater she encouraged me to apply i got in

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[Unknown13]: that was my very first experience with acting was at this worlde theater and i

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[Unknown13]: was like oh my gosh what's this

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[Unknown13]: so my senior year it was that same teacher brought me to another competition and

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[Unknown13]: i won a full ride scholarship to study

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[Unknown13]: theater which

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[Unknown14]: mice

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[Unknown13]: is how i got my degree uh i was so shy and i still to this day have such bad

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[Unknown13]: stage right that i couldn't even love the other actors in the eye

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[Unknown13]: but i loved it i love the process and the story telling and just the arts in

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[Unknown13]: general

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[Unknown13]: um so we did well i did a theater uh sorry getting into some film work and then i

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[Unknown13]: met my first husband and we got married and right afterwards he was like hey i

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[Unknown13]: only like this acting thing

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[Unknown13]: so i actually didn't act for fifteen years

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[Unknown14]: oh wow

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[Unknown13]: but in the meantime i had two beautiful children and it was on my uh i was thirty

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[Unknown13]: when my first husband was diagnosed with a terminal illness and just a a short

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[Unknown13]: amount of time

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[Unknown13]: kind of like the whole world turned upside down and he was very sick at the time

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[Unknown13]: my kids were four and one and um at that time i started working two three jobs at

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[Unknown13]: it sometimes just to keep food on the table and you know sometimes you have times

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[Unknown13]: in your life where you're just surviving and i was definitely in survival mode i

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[Unknown13]: did that for a couple of years

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[Unknown13]: unfortunately that illness began to affect him mentally so i ended up leaving

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[Unknown13]: that marriage basically for the safety of myself and my kids and nobody ever is

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[Unknown13]: like hey when i grow up i want to be a single divorced mom

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[Unknown13]: but i had a good attitude about it and i'm like it's just a season we'll get

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[Unknown13]: through it

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[Unknown13]: um right before that divorce was final i was building a children's musical

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[Unknown13]: theater set and i stepped on a rusty nail he totally fine i wasn't technic and

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[Unknown13]: the day that i went to sign the paperwork over to the house um the other week of

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[Unknown13]: my uh divorce i started not feeling well and we honestly don't remember much

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[Unknown13]: after that but i almost died and

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[Unknown14]: jeez

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[Unknown13]: i remember

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[Unknown13]: i remember

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[Unknown13]: having the moment where i was like ha i think i'm dying and i had a couple of

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[Unknown13]: thoughts

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[Unknown13]: the first was what most people talk about where you really wish you would

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[Unknown14]: i don't know

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[Unknown13]: spend more time with the people that you love that life really is all about

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[Unknown13]: relationships

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[Unknown13]: and i realized that i had spent so much time worrying and stressing and

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown13]: being in survival mode that i really had put relationships just even with my

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[Unknown13]: children kind of to the side it's always too busy the second thing i was like

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[Unknown13]: what you just worry and you stress and you work really hard and then you just die

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[Unknown13]: and i remember i was kind of mad at god i was like that's it

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[Unknown13]: but i recognize that i had wasted most of my life

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[Unknown13]: being a people pleaser recently like i was just trying to be what everybodys said

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[Unknown13]: you're to be if you're gonna be a good person

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[Unknown13]: and there were so many things that i had wanted to do that i didn't and i had a

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[Unknown13]: lot of regrets

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[Unknown13]: obviously i didn't die 'cause that would be very creepy right now

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[Unknown14]: there should be a a i bet i bet this would get a lot of views

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[Unknown13]: that's true

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[Unknown13]: uh but what had happened was when i sit in the nail bacteria had gotten into my

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[Unknown13]: bloodstream and i traveled into some bones in my back uh basically it was the si

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[Unknown13]: joint for any cus medical stuff and the whole joint the muscles the bone all of

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[Unknown13]: it had gotten defected and i was in septic shock

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[Unknown13]: so if you've ever had a toothache uh it's like it affected tooth it's like that

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[Unknown13]: only it was like this really big

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[Unknown14]: that's

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[Unknown13]: area uh of the bone and everything and it was so painful um when i left the

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[Unknown13]: hospital three weeks later i couldn't walk

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[Unknown13]: and because of that i ended up losing my job so basically in three weeks time i

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[Unknown13]: had felt like i lost my marriage i'd lost my home i lost my help i'd lost my

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown13]: ability to take care of my children i lost my financial security

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[Unknown13]: and a lot of people at my main job

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[Unknown13]: had been a support system for me so i felt like my entire life was just sever

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[Unknown13]: and but i still had a good attitude and you're like it's just a season um then

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[Unknown13]: you make a short story long the infection has come back five different times

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[Unknown13]: um then surgery uh months of iv antibiotics daily

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[Unknown13]: it was on

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[Unknown13]: i antibiotics for eight years straight

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[Unknown13]: and i am written up in new england journal of medicine because

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[Unknown13]: is so rare because they don't know why they could never kill the infection

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[Unknown13]: and

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[Unknown13]: also two i'm allergic of three or the four strains of antibiotics so they had

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[Unknown13]: told me once you become immune to this particular strain there's nothing that we

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[Unknown13]: could do for you

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[Unknown13]: i did good through a lot of it but each time the

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[Unknown14]: i don't

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[Unknown13]: infection came back i got a little less resilient to put it mildly

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[Unknown13]: and the fourth time i uh i had the infection to come back i had had surgery i did

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[Unknown13]: twelve weeks of daily id antibiotics and they were like you are good it's never

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[Unknown13]: gonna come back we took care of it and it was four weeks to the day i stopped the

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[Unknown13]: antibiotics and i came back

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[Unknown13]: and that is when i fell

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[Unknown14]: frus

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[Unknown13]: apart i was diagnosed with ptsd from almost dying so much and i really went

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[Unknown13]: through about i would say a year and a half of really severe depression just all

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[Unknown13]: the loss all the striving all the surviving you just finally

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[Unknown14]: right

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[Unknown13]: i was done and it was a dark time for me but i did some things

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[Unknown13]: i knew that it was and i knew that i wasn't doing myself and that it wasn't

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[Unknown13]: forever and so i slowly made choices

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[Unknown13]: one by one it was very painful to uh do the work to get out of that place and

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[Unknown13]: so now i'm not there

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[Unknown13]: uh i do still sometimes struggle with pts c but i've learned so much about how to

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[Unknown13]: manage that to the best of my ability

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[Unknown13]: and uh and i get to do what i love now so i got back into acting stumbling clean

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[Unknown13]: comedy and now the best that i love so much is being able to speak and normally

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[Unknown13]: it's funny

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[Unknown13]: you know i tell a story which is a little bit dark

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[Unknown13]: but it's just been the greatest gift actually

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[Unknown14]: i know

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[Unknown13]: to be able to do what i do now and to be able to share

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[Unknown14]: alright

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[Unknown13]: and give advice

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[Unknown13]: because i've been there unfortunately and unfortunately lots of people have been

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[Unknown13]: there over these last two years

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[Unknown13]: so i know i'm not alone in that struggle

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[Unknown14]: no and and hearing the story as got i'm trying to figure out a way which way i

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[Unknown14]: want to approach a couple of things so

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[Unknown13]: she

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[Unknown14]: me let me go back you know you you grew up you have this interest in in theater

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[Unknown14]: and acting how hard was it for you not having

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[Unknown13]: yes

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[Unknown14]: necessarily a supportive spouse that kind of really crushed that for that period

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[Unknown14]: of time and what were you doing you know what were you doing you know what was

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[Unknown14]: kind of that work during that time period and were you just hating life because

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[Unknown14]: of that lack of support

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[Unknown13]: so no one's ever asked me that it was devastating

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[Unknown13]: uh to me because theater was just so much a part of where i found myself i wasn't

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[Unknown13]: ever like my sister and my brother were three day students my family is very very

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[Unknown13]: athletically gifted uh my mom can pitch the ball for softball so fast that in her

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[Unknown13]: forties she could still pitch it at seventy miles an hour so i grew

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[Unknown14]: nice

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[Unknown13]: up on fall field i um but i did not get that gift

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[Unknown13]: straight gift and so they both my brother and my sister ended up being marines um

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[Unknown13]: they both have done very well and so i was black sheep of the family the middle

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[Unknown13]: child and

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[Unknown14]: y

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[Unknown13]: um so when i found theater i was like oh okay this is this is me

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[Unknown13]: but i was already married and so i was like that was kind of the deciding fact

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[Unknown13]: i'm like well i'm married i just got it and so i just made the choice um i didn't

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[Unknown13]: resent or hate my life

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[Unknown13]: sometim i had to stay away from anything like i couldn't go to a show um i

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[Unknown13]: couldn't talk about acting anything

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[Unknown14]: no

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[Unknown13]: like that because it was like a trigger for me and but i knew i had made the

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[Unknown13]: choice like it was up to me so i owned the choice

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[Unknown13]: and then once i had kids i was like

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[Unknown13]: you know i loved be being a mom

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[Unknown13]: i did do a lot of writing during that time i did some of the weirdest jobs i have

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[Unknown13]: sold cars

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[Unknown13]: i was so good at it because all i would do it was uh one ton truck it was what

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[Unknown13]: with

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[Unknown13]: i knew they didn't want to buy a car from

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[Unknown14]: listen

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[Unknown13]: some twenty year old woman so they would come in they would be like here's the

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[Unknown13]: keys let me know if you want it i never even went outside i didn't know anything

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[Unknown13]: about the gu i sold so many cars so

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[Unknown13]: then they would just drop the paperwork because i didn't sell at all uh

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[Unknown13]: so i did i just did a lot of i i've done a lot of jobs especially when my husband

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[Unknown13]: was sick like there was times i had like a main job but i remember one job i was

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[Unknown13]: rotating dog food and at the pet stores

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[Unknown13]: um and

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[Unknown14]: yes

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[Unknown13]: you could c cover your hair and you're in um cleaning stables cause i grew up you

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[Unknown13]: know agriculture so i did a lot of interesting work

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[Unknown13]: it wasn't until the divorce that i was like

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[Unknown13]: maybe i should get back in but i thought oh i'm a mom i've been out of it no one

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[Unknown13]: is gonna want me back like i'm too old i lost my chance and i had a friend talk

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[Unknown13]: to the top talent agency in colorado and she was like you have to get this

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[Unknown13]: person an audition

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[Unknown13]: and she set it up if she had my i don't know that i ever would have and i walked

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[Unknown13]: in and i did my thing

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[Unknown14]: so

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[Unknown13]: and the agent said where have you been i was like i don't know and he said here

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[Unknown13]: you look terribly you look like a mom and i will put you to work and he did and i

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[Unknown13]: really appreciate that you know he really he took a risk because i hadn't done

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[Unknown13]: anything in so long

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[Unknown14]: no that's awesome and so then would you say the life experiences you had you know

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[Unknown14]: between be between your husband and between you going through all of your medical

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[Unknown14]: journeys that stress that anxiety you know the depression you talked about led

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[Unknown14]: into

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[Unknown14]: you know kind of crafting your keynotes and your motivational talks is is that

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[Unknown14]: what you know kind of was the foundation did you transition into that type of

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[Unknown14]: stuff after all of your life experiences you know as in

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[Unknown13]: yeah what happened was i settled into com i didn't know what co i didn't know

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[Unknown13]: what stand out comedy was i i didn't know what you know i grew up without it and

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[Unknown13]: had no clue what it was i didn't even see paint in drywall until i was twenty two

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[Unknown13]: so

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[Unknown13]: twenty four was like what does everybody's house look so nice and now i look back

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[Unknown13]: and like it it was called paint and drywall

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[Unknown13]: i um

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[Unknown13]: with the comedy i had st i was writing scripts for other people actually during

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[Unknown13]: that time when i wasn't at

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[Unknown14]: okay

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[Unknown13]: and they would always come out a bit humorous so i finally got an opportunity um

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[Unknown13]: to present basically like this what i thought it was a one woman show uh turns

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[Unknown13]: out it was stand up who knew i didn't know so i delivered it and then i got hired

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[Unknown13]: off of it for the very first time

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[Unknown13]: um basically one of the women in the audience who that had a construction company

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[Unknown13]: they needed somebody to do their holiday corporate party they were paid me three

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[Unknown13]: hundred dollars uh for the night and i didn't even know that kind of money

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[Unknown13]: existed i was like what is this

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[Unknown13]: so i really with a hard core in a way into the comedy world um but it was never

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[Unknown13]: fulfilled and during that time i was you know

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[Unknown14]: oh

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[Unknown13]: going through a lot of the illness and so forth

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[Unknown13]: i i just it was people were like oh it's such a gift to make people laugh and it

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[Unknown13]: is but it wasn't fulfilling it wasn't until i was at a conference i got hired as

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[Unknown13]: a comedian and they started asking me to share hey we

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[Unknown14]: i

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[Unknown13]: want you to be funny but can you tell us how you got through all that stuff and

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[Unknown13]: and i was like oh okay that's i have

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[Unknown14]: it was

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[Unknown13]: more earthed and now i love it because it's you know i get to do both i get to

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[Unknown13]: encourage people who are struggling um especially now um

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[Unknown13]: i i really believe in getting help for any type of mental health you know i've

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[Unknown13]: been there uh

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[Unknown14]: well

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[Unknown13]: and i just want to destig matt that because it's courageous to get help but just

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[Unknown13]: all of it of being able to help being able to make people laugh it's like oh it

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[Unknown13]: was worth all the pay although i do get tired i still have the infection like i

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[Unknown13]: so um you know i have days where i'm tired and i struggle and i'm not what i was

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[Unknown13]: physically

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[Unknown13]: but at you know i am a walking miracle literally because i didn't think i'd walk

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[Unknown13]: so

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[Unknown13]: you know i'm very thankful for the life that i have either when i'm tired and

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[Unknown13]: cranky

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown14]: so so comedians can even be tired and cranky at times

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[Unknown13]: yes oh

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[Unknown14]: so you hit on this i mean it felt like to me for the past you know several years

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[Unknown14]: if not even even before all of the you know the lockdowns and the shutdowns

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[Unknown14]: happened that

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[Unknown13]: oh

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[Unknown14]: we're we're living in this period where everybody has is holding anxiety whether

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[Unknown14]: it's you know and i kind of put that in two

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[Unknown13]: oh

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[Unknown14]: things you're in a situation that you can't control that you must remove yourself

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[Unknown14]: from is the only way to make it go away or some of us just perceived you know

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[Unknown14]: we're just constantly worrying about stuff and you've obviously have went through

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[Unknown14]: and overcome a tremendous amount

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[Unknown14]: what what kind of tips or things to try to change that mindset to be able to be

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[Unknown14]: in the moment and get past some of that do you usually you know what's that

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[Unknown14]: message that you purvey to other people

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[Unknown13]: sure uh well there was times that is really heavily dropped that helped out

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[Unknown14]: i was gonna ask but i figured out let me see if i can do it where way you'll

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[Unknown14]: volunteer

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[Unknown13]: been off for seven years because i learned how to manage it and then since so

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[Unknown13]: happened twenty twenty one the beginning of twenty twenty one i was like oh

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[Unknown13]: everything i know to do wasn't working and i'm the kind of work now i'm like i

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[Unknown13]: immediately will ask for help here's my thing with asking for help with uh

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[Unknown13]: struggling with anxiety or depression or any kind of mental illness is why be

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown13]: miserable even one more day if you don't have to

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[Unknown14]: right

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[Unknown13]: right like w why live that way you don't have to and to me it was the most

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[Unknown13]: courageous thing i did through all of it was to recognize i'm not myself this is

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[Unknown13]: not who i am this isn't the light that i want these are the thoughts that i want

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[Unknown13]: to have i

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown13]: don't want to feel this way and i don't know how to get out of it so i recognize

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[Unknown13]: i i i was like i need somebody to tell me how to get out of it and

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[Unknown13]: um and that was you know people hu opinions and i've just learned that i don't

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[Unknown13]: really give a crap about people's

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[Unknown13]: i do because i still are recovering people pleaser but not enough to affect the

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[Unknown13]: quality of my life

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[Unknown13]: what i will say is that i feel that my story used to be unique in that

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[Unknown13]: i had

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[Unknown13]: lost a home i had lost my health i had lost my job i had lost relationships like

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[Unknown13]: there was too much in my life there was too much change at once to process

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[Unknown14]: no

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[Unknown13]: when i look at the pandemic i see people going through the exact same thing some

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[Unknown13]: people have lost their health and people are struggling still with covid they've

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[Unknown13]: lost relationships they've lost their work their sense of security

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[Unknown13]: um

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[Unknown14]: hi

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[Unknown13]: they may have lost their homes um and it's again it's too much change to process

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[Unknown13]: in too short amount of

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[Unknown14]: i

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[Unknown13]: time so one of my biggest messages through covid is that it's totally okay to not

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[Unknown13]: be okay

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[Unknown13]: it means that you're normal and human wa would you be okay

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[Unknown13]: i'm not one of the motivational speakers he's like just be happy

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[Unknown13]: like that i i think it's humid

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown13]: and it's natural to have negative

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[Unknown14]: so

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[Unknown13]: feelings and and fear it's what we do with those

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[Unknown13]: and so the first thing is just to you know one of the biggest things for me was

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[Unknown13]: that i realized people would say to me they'd be like well you'll get through it

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[Unknown13]: or you don't have faith

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[Unknown14]: that's

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[Unknown13]: they just be positive

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[Unknown13]: and nobody ever took the time to acknowledge the pain and the loss that i had

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[Unknown13]: gone through

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[Unknown13]: and it was huge for me the day i remember where i was and everything the day i

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[Unknown13]: realized that for people your pain is priceless

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[Unknown13]: and this is what i mean it's that when we go through something painful in our

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[Unknown13]: life something precious or crisis is taken from us it can be our financial

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[Unknown13]: security it can be a relationship it could be our innocence it could be all kinds

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[Unknown13]: of things but something was taken from us that was so valuable without our

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[Unknown13]: commission

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[Unknown13]: and our natural instinct when we're hurt is to do this

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[Unknown13]: and then our natural instinct here in the united states it's just be like we'll

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[Unknown13]: just move forward just get on it and

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[Unknown14]: yes

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[Unknown13]: nobody overtakes this moment to say i'm so sorry that you're going through that

365

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[Unknown13]: that is a lot of course she would be upset of course you know when you say well i

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[Unknown13]: have a right to feel the way i feel you totally do you totally do have a right to

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[Unknown13]: go the way you do and i felt like that was an element that was missing for me so

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[Unknown13]: if any many of you are struggling you're like this pandemic you know my family

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[Unknown13]: life is a mess or my finances

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown13]: are a mess or my work life is so stressful you have every right to feel angry or

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[Unknown13]: scared or nervous or all those uncomfortable feelings but what i recognized was i

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[Unknown13]: had two choices didn' live the rest of my life like this

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[Unknown13]: ah you know i kind of think about the drunk uncle most of us had like a drunk

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[Unknown13]: uncle or a drug great uncle who went home and sat in his recliner after work and

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[Unknown13]: cracked open

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[Unknown14]: what

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[Unknown13]: the beer and was just angry at everyone all the time

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[Unknown13]: and it was kind of really just 'cause he's hurt and that's his thing with the

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[Unknown13]: world

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[Unknown13]: and i was like well i could be a drunk uncle um although i have accidentally on

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[Unknown13]: occasion been a drunken cat it's i have a whole story about that there's a reason

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[Unknown13]: you're not supposed to mix alcohol with prescription medication i discovered had

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[Unknown13]: a family event

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[Unknown13]: so

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[Unknown14]: oh so your picture's gonna be on the bottles down the road

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[Unknown13]: so

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[Unknown13]: um but you know i i was like i can either

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[Unknown13]: hang on to my pain

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[Unknown13]: or i can you the hard road and learn to let it go and give it away and that's

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[Unknown13]: what i chose

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[Unknown14]: i

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[Unknown13]: and it sucked like people also don't say that they're like we'll just forgive or

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[Unknown13]: just think positive you don't recognize that there's a process and it's really

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[Unknown13]: hard

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[Unknown13]: um

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[Unknown13]: i liken it too how it was when i wasn't able to walk when i was in the hospital

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[Unknown13]: if you told me i could write a marathon there's i couldn't even get out of bed i

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[Unknown13]: couldn't even if you told me to make it to the door i couldn't do it but i know i

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[Unknown13]: didn't want to be in the hoping forever so i was like okay so i literally had to

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[Unknown13]: take it one tv tiny stuff at a time where it'd be like i couldn't even roll over

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[Unknown13]: it was so painful it'd be like okay i'm gonna learn to roll over i'm gonna learn

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[Unknown13]: to sit up i'm gonna learn to swing one leg off of it and then i was with a walker

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[Unknown13]: and i'm like okay i'm just gonna put my head down because it hurts so bad and

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[Unknown13]: take it one step at a time and now i can hike

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[Unknown14]: he's

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[Unknown13]: for miles you know it always aches a little bit um but it's nothing like i half

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[Unknown13]: the time i don't even notice and i think the same is true with emotional or

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[Unknown13]: mental pain where i was if you're going through something really hard and maybe

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[Unknown13]: going through a divorce or you know just something in your life that's really

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[Unknown13]: really challenging if i like well just be happy you'll be fine you can't get that

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[Unknown13]: far ahead it has to be broken down into something like you know can you just get

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[Unknown13]: out of bed today can you make

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[Unknown14]: well

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[Unknown13]: a phone call to the counselor can you you know get some sunlight on your face or

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[Unknown13]: go for a ten minute walk it's all these little things um to get

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown13]: you to the bigger space and then one day you'll turn around and go oh my gosh and

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[Unknown13]: if it's something really really hard

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[Unknown13]: but maybe the loss of a loved

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[Unknown14]: yeah

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[Unknown13]: one that it might always be there a tiny bit but you'll be able to move forward

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[Unknown13]: and embrace that

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[Unknown13]: and then i learned from trial and error of what works for me and what doesn't

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[Unknown13]: work for me so when it comes to anxiety

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[Unknown13]: nowadays it's not like all of a sudden i never experience fear because i'm

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[Unknown13]: amazing that's not it i still struggle very much with anxiety it's just that i

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[Unknown13]: know what to do in that moment you know some people can meditate are on tri write

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[Unknown14]: hm

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[Unknown13]: it i'm like because they're like just be in the moment and i'll try and be in the

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[Unknown13]: moment and my kids are fighting and the dog is barking and i'm like but the

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[Unknown13]: moment is what's stressing me out right

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[Unknown14]: kit me out of the moment

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[Unknown13]: but she know it thanks like recognizing oh i need to go for a walk outside that's

435

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[Unknown13]: huge for me coz i grew up outside um doing things that i enjoy

436

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[Unknown13]: and just those little positive relationships having a sense of purpose there are

437

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[Unknown13]: all these things that you can do gratitude is probably one of the biggest

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[Unknown13]: for me uh with anxiety um

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[Unknown14]: sure

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[Unknown13]: and here's what i'll share with that is a lot of times we're so

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[Unknown13]: you know what i know my job or what's gonna happen in a month if i get sick and

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[Unknown13]: and i have to stop myself

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[Unknown13]: and say okay

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[Unknown13]: do i have and i keep the bar very low

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[Unknown13]: i'll say do i have a toothbrush yes i do do i have a working light bulb yes i do

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[Unknown13]: do i have indoor planning yes i do do i have electricity yes i do do i have food

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[Unknown13]: in the refrigerator i do which means i'm richer than ninety percent of the rest

448

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[Unknown13]: of the world because i have a light bulb and a toothbrush and a flushing toilet

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[Unknown13]: and it's like okay i have everything i need today

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[Unknown13]: um and then it's um there

451

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[Unknown14]: so

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[Unknown13]: is kind of an equation that can work for people it's um saying something you're

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[Unknown13]: grateful for um

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[Unknown13]: about other people so grateful for people that you have in your life one person

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[Unknown13]: grateful for one thing about yourself

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[Unknown13]: grateful for

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[Unknown13]: one of the supplies or one of the assets that you have which could be well i have

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[Unknown13]: running water that's awesome

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[Unknown14]: right

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[Unknown13]: i like to spend six hours hooking stuff in a

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[Unknown14]: two

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[Unknown13]: bucket right

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[Unknown13]: so it's one asset that i have uh that can help me get through something and then

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[Unknown13]: the fourth one is the positive is what am i learning from my current challenges

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[Unknown13]: nobody really wants to tell about that but what am i learning from my current

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[Unknown13]: challenges so that when if it fails or it falls apart or empty them getting

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[Unknown13]: through

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[Unknown13]: you know if you get me forward here's the thing with gratitude is that it

469

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[Unknown13]: literally literally

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[Unknown14]: what

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[Unknown13]: re wires your brain

472

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[Unknown13]: i think i believe that it's uh six weeks this or so

473

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[Unknown13]: but if you do it every day you either need to write it down or say it out loud

474

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[Unknown13]: there's something about not just thinking but getting it out um tangibly that

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[Unknown13]: helps rewire your brain so if you're miserable it's a wonderful place to start

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[Unknown13]: especially if you struggle with anxiety is i encourage you to start with

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[Unknown13]: gratitude even if it's just what one thing do you have what one thing and you

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[Unknown13]: could feel like you know who to be grateful for again if you have your own too

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[Unknown13]: fresh right

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[Unknown14]: you

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[Unknown13]: to keep the bar new

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[Unknown13]: that's how that works so things like that i just have learned to practice

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[Unknown13]: and

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[Unknown13]: knowing who i am

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[Unknown13]: and i think that

486

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[Unknown13]: also just knowing that it's just normal

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[Unknown13]: it's just nobody

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[Unknown14]: no

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[Unknown13]: talks about that it's

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[Unknown13]: normal to get freaked out when things aren't in your control like it's a survival

491

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[Unknown13]: thing

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[Unknown13]: so again it's just kind of how what we do with it and how we can reframe and

493

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[Unknown14]: how about

494

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[Unknown13]: it's kind of like with everything

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[Unknown13]: it's uh you know it just takes practice and feeling and learning

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[Unknown14]: do going through all of that and and now you know you're you're kind of doing you

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[Unknown14]: know the work you're doing is what you want to do did that did those life

498

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[Unknown14]: experiences get past you

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[Unknown13]: oh

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[Unknown14]: past past some like business fears that you have you know people are you know

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[Unknown14]: they say they're more afraid of public speaking than you know like death itself

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[Unknown14]: in some cases but those experiences you're like oh this crap's easy now i i went

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[Unknown14]: through some stuff that almost legitimately

504

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[Unknown13]: what

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[Unknown14]: killed me so i bring it bring it my way let's roll

506

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[Unknown13]: i definitely know to bring it i'm like

507

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[Unknown14]: you've had enough you've had enough being brought

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[Unknown13]: yeah i what i will say because i still have seat right i still get nervous every

509

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[Unknown13]: single time before i step on stage i learned the process

510

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[Unknown13]: of what i do and what my thoughts are and how it works like i'm just

511

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[Unknown13]: failed my way to success i just have done it so much and taken so many

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[Unknown14]: sure

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[Unknown13]: risks that it's like in fact that it goes away i just

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[Unknown13]: embrace it i'm like okay this is the part where i hate myself and say to myself

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[Unknown13]: what did i agree to get up and pro these people

516

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[Unknown13]: so yeah and i think that especially now recognizing that i'm not alone that so

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[Unknown13]: many people are struggling it feels almost

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[Unknown13]: um

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[Unknown13]: it just gives me a great sense of purpose which is what keeps me going through

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[Unknown13]: the beer and the failure and you know the studies do show that having that sense

521

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[Unknown13]: of purpose whether it's providing for yourself or having something that you

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[Unknown13]: believe in that's bigger than yourself um really helps you

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[Unknown14]: yes

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[Unknown13]: get through things become more resilient because it's no longer about yourself

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[Unknown13]: and your comfort it's about helping other people and i think

526

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[Unknown13]: our name what's happening with ukraine right now i i'm not an expert all i will

527

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[Unknown13]: say is that they have a greater sense of purpose than ukrainian people so much so

528

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[Unknown13]: that they're now willing to risk their lives in fighting back for their freedom

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[Unknown13]: that is something that sometimes we lose sight of is we don't have that sense of

530

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[Unknown13]: purpose of why am i putting myself out there and i think that's why we see the

531

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[Unknown13]: great

532

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[Unknown13]: i think if we don't know what it is that mean something to us and the goals that

533

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[Unknown13]: we have for ourselves it's really hard to get through the day to day it's really

534

::

[Unknown13]: hard to do the survival mode it's much more fulfilling to have that sense of

535

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[Unknown13]: purpose to know why you're getting up you know i had kids i'm i'm not going to

536

::

[Unknown13]: quit um that's a larger part of it you know that they they need to be provided

537

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[Unknown13]: for and taken care of and

538

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[Unknown14]: what

539

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[Unknown13]: you know and i feel like i have a message and it would be kind of selfish if i

540

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[Unknown13]: can help someone and just because i'm nervous to keep to myself

541

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[Unknown13]: yeah now when it

542

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[Unknown14]: well

543

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[Unknown13]: comes to like business business stuff like sales i'm still terrible at it

544

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[Unknown13]: do you know many courses they're just things you're gifted at and then there's

545

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[Unknown13]: things in it's just not your thing

546

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[Unknown14]: almost everything is a learning curve well i know we're we're

547

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[Unknown14]: close to time and i wanted to

548

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[Unknown14]: want to kind of wrap with this

549

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[Unknown14]: you know you're out there you're in a position where you're putting yourself out

550

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[Unknown14]: there and we are living in a heavily heavily critical

551

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[Unknown13]: smo

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[Unknown14]: criticizing world right now that it

553

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[Unknown13]: oh

554

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[Unknown14]: doesn't matter what you say somebody will find a reason to hurl bricks at your

555

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[Unknown14]: head hypothetically or you know on social media is

556

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[Unknown14]: how do we navigate the the loud squeaky wheels that seem to dominate those

557

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[Unknown14]: platforms when most of the people really you know they watch they may not engage

558

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[Unknown14]: but you know they're they're paying attention how do you not take those types of

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[Unknown14]: things to heart in the environment the current you know societal environment

560

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[Unknown14]: we're living in and all the social media nonsense

561

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[Unknown13]: oh they totally hurt my feelings all the time

562

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[Unknown14]: i'm on title the episode stacey peterson everyone hurts my feelings

563

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[Unknown13]: and

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[Unknown13]: i'll be like wow that really hurt my feelings like

565

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[Unknown13]: um

566

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[Unknown13]: couple of things is i you know when you speak at a conference

567

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[Unknown13]: they i hate it when they send me the reviews because i will literally get every

568

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[Unknown13]: time

569

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[Unknown14]: yep

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[Unknown13]: ninety nine percent positive you and will be one person who hates me and as a

571

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[Unknown13]: people

572

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[Unknown13]: who do i focus on i can tell you every negative comment i've probably ever been

573

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[Unknown13]: given uh but i've never you know with the positive i don't focus on that it

574

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[Unknown13]: totally hurts my feeling some people like legit do care

575

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[Unknown13]: so for me i had to recognize a couple of things i'm not there for them

576

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[Unknown13]: i'm there for somebody for the people that i am helping whether that's on social

577

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[Unknown13]: media or in person or whatever

578

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[Unknown13]: people

579

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[Unknown13]: put other people down to make themselves look smarter or better so that person

580

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[Unknown13]: has an issue where they feel like they need to put somebody down to make

581

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[Unknown13]: themselves look like they're more intelligent but the reality is that i'm the one

582

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[Unknown13]: that's putting myself out there it's really easy to make judgments on the

583

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[Unknown13]: keyboard

584

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[Unknown13]: right then

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[Unknown14]: yeah

586

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[Unknown13]: to be the one up there and sometimes what i have to do and i have done it

587

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[Unknown13]: is if they make a really negative energy comment like sam like you too

588

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[Unknown13]: i'll click on their channel you know i'll click on their icon and when it shows

589

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[Unknown13]: zero videos or one videos it's like they don't know the process they don't know

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[Unknown13]: what it's like they don't do what i do and so they don't know so they don't have

591

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[Unknown13]: a voice the people that i choose to listen to are those who are better than me

592

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[Unknown13]: or are those who say well this helped me because of such and such and again

593

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[Unknown14]: awesome

594

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[Unknown13]: it goes back to that sense of purpose it goes beyond my personal comfort because

595

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[Unknown13]: i would love to be a hermit and hide in the woods and not him anybody hurt me and

596

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[Unknown13]: you know just like do how i grew up like where you just grow veggies and

597

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[Unknown13]: everything spy

598

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[Unknown13]: so but i have a sense of purpose um and so focus on that and

599

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[Unknown13]: sometimes

600

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[Unknown13]: i really think through my content as well like if i know i'm gonna say something

601

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[Unknown13]: controversial

602

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[Unknown13]: i have to prepare myself like i really think about it for a day or two or three

603

::

[Unknown13]: to really want to get into it

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[Unknown14]: right

605

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[Unknown13]: if the answer is yes but i remember why i had trying to have a y but even during

606

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[Unknown13]: the middle of it you know the controversy or whatever and the comments i'm like i

607

::

[Unknown13]: still my to feelings you don't know who i am you know

608

::

[Unknown13]: so it's that sense of purpose i guess is a that was a really long way of saying

609

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[Unknown13]: it sense of purpose of why do

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[Unknown14]: no

611

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[Unknown13]: what they doing

612

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[Unknown14]: no it it's awesome and it's something as i've taken some you know new steps in my

613

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[Unknown14]: life i

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[Unknown14]: i think about

615

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[Unknown14]: but not worried about um i really appreciate your time um i want to echo your

616

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[Unknown14]: statement that you said on gratitude i think that's an awesome way to get to get

617

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[Unknown14]: started when you're trying to get over there and for anybody listening i have a

618

::

[Unknown14]: recommendation it's called the five minute journal i'll find a link for it along

619

::

[Unknown14]: as long along with all of stacey's other you know social media links that i'll

620

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[Unknown14]: have in the show notes and it's kind of and it's personally helped me you start

621

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[Unknown14]: your day at end your day going through a handful of things that you're thankful

622

::

[Unknown14]: for what are you looking forward to the day and then at the end of the day before

623

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[Unknown14]: you go to bed you go hey this is kind of how the day happened and i think it's a

624

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[Unknown14]: good way to get the mindset straight but for anybody that wants to reach out and

625

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[Unknown14]: connect with you what the best way for them to do that

626

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[Unknown13]: you are just like i don't know

627

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[Unknown14]: oh no we're getting ready to do all out here comes the go store we're gonna do a

628

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[Unknown14]: say on here let me go get the wi board

629

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[Unknown13]: yeah i think it

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[Unknown13]: media uh the only one i'm not on is twitter twitter and i broke up a couple years

631

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[Unknown13]: ago

632

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[Unknown14]: good for you

633

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[Unknown13]: i can't so uh i have a massive following on twitter too i think it's like two

634

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[Unknown13]: hundred people

635

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[Unknown13]: but

636

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[Unknown14]: you do need

637

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[Unknown13]: yeah i'm on the facebook linkedin linkedin ah

638

::

[Unknown13]: youtube i really love to connect via youtube you can email me my website i don't

639

::

[Unknown13]: know you know whatever reach out

640

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[Unknown14]: sounds good nope and again i'll sure all the links are going to be in the show

641

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[Unknown14]: notes and everywhere this will be distributed at so again stacey super appreciate

642

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[Unknown14]: your time thanks for thanks for coming by

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[Unknown13]: thanks so much for having me

About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Business Samurai
The Business Samurai
Skills and Stories to be a Well-Rounded Leader in Business

About your host

Profile picture for John Barker

John Barker

20+ years of technology, cybersecurity, and project management experience. Improving business operations to create a culture of better cybersecurity and technology practices. John is the Founder of Barker Management Consulting and the creator of the Business Samurai Program.

MBA, PMP, CISSP